Balance begins

Balance. I've posted on what I've been through, where I'm at, and have started the journey to a better physical being. Now it's time to balance those scales and work on the mental/emotional side, with the spiritual side thrown in.

Over the years, I've sought much counseling. I've been misdiagnosed with various disorders and put on medication for those. Since leaving that mess behind, I've had time to "detox" and think about what is going on and what I am truly searching for. I've found that I've also sought a religious answer in most every western religion available. I've even looked into the eastern religions. I've experienced the deep rituals of the Catholic and early Protestant faiths, as well as what I call "church mills" - the new, rock-music, buffet-type churches that have forgotten about human community. So many have lost sight of the real importance of "gathering yourselves together". I say this based on observation, not judgment. But, I won't go into all that as it's not important. 

Life is suffering, but we don't have to live in suffering. It's a choice. We can let go of past hurts, past issues, and those things which do not bring us happiness such as wealth and material possessions. Things are things and to be used.  Pride is detrimental. Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.  And, make no judgment where you have no compassion.

One thing I noticed is that I was seeking to alleviate the issues I have - spiritual, mental (cptsd), and emotional - separately. Lately, I've learned they are all intertwined and by changing my collective paradigm and approach, I will be addressing all those issues and needs.  Seeking help for my issues from external sources doesn't work. I've tried for many, many years. I found that what I have been through in the past has caused such internal scarring that I've become cynical and ready to fight and defend without thought as to what or whom I am fighting. It's become a vicious spiral and worsened the CPTSD and my outlook on the world. Therefore, change has to come from within, as well as spiritual and mental healing. 

I've started to seek concepts on purposeful living. Living based on compassion and healing. I was drawn much to the Dalai Lama and his teachings. His Holiness is of the Tibetan Buddhism philosophy and its leader. I started learning more about the Buddhist philosophy and beliefs, it's culture and practices. I learned there are several types of Buddhism, but all are centered around the noble self and the concept of "cause and effect", or Karma. It engages personal responsibility and a concentration on the positive. I weighed this against my 54 years of learning many faiths and found this is where I fit.

Does that mean I'm going to don red and yellow robes and shave my head? No. I don't plan on becoming a Buddhist nun.  However, I am on a path that will teach me meditation and a positive way of life. Tolerance. Joy. Living purposefully and for what is truly important.

The Bible, for which I've lived most of my life by and I still find to hold some good truths, says:

"But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:18-23    and

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."  Philippians 4:8

The Dalai Lama, as well as the Buddhist belief system, advises us to stay away from the negative emotions of hate, anger, intoxication, sexual depravity, killing, lying, and all manner of bad things. It encourages us to embrace the good - happiness, right understanding, thoughts, living, consciousness, efforts, and awareness. Part of the teachings are thus:

The Ten Paramita

1. Giving or Generosity;
2. Virtue, Ethics, Morality;
3. Renunciation, letting go, not grasping;
4. Panna or Prajna "Wisdom" insight into the nature of reality;
5. Energy, vigour, vitality, diligence;
6. Patience or forbearance;
7. Truthfulness;
8. Resolution, determination, intention;
9. Kindness, love, friendliness;
10. Equanimity.

The Four Sublime or Uplifted States

1. Metta — Friendliness, Loving-kindness;
2. Karuna — Compassion;
3. Mudita — Joy, Gladness. Appreciation of good qualities in people;
4. Upekkha — Equanimity, the peaceful unshaken mind.

Full development of these four states develops all of the Ten Paramita.  The Eightfold path: http://www.zen-buddhism.net/buddhist-principles/eightfold-path.html

It occurs to me that following these precepts and teachings will lead to healing. Not only my own healing, but those around me as I learn to love and except others. Does this mean I become a doormat again? Oh no. This article says it well: http://www.mybuddhistlife.com/2014/05/unconditional-love-doesnt-mean-doormat/ .  I can have boundaries and rules in my life. I can lovingly keep myself distant from those who choose to live negatively and even abusively, and live in the positive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSktiBReOSA&t=1327s

Again, I will not be shaving my head and finding a mountain top somewhere in the Himalayas. I don't know my views on reincarnation but they do make some sense to me.  Karma makes a lot of sense and makes me wonder what I did in a past life (should there be one or more) to cause me to endure the suffering I do now and have in my life.   There are those who would be concerned for my "salvation". I've learned (even the hard way) that salvation comes from within. It does not come from anything external, will not come from a church or a belief in someone else, and especially not from the abuses of those who would try to force me into their particular belief system.

Baseline...

I've been doing a lot more research on proper eating plans.  As everyone who knows me knows, I don't do "diets". They never work. But being in a rather ugly depression for a couple of years, I've been coasting and not eating healthy.  And I've not been there to ensure my family eats healthy.

Fortunately, I've been able to gather enough information and build a new database to track our caloric and macronutrient intakes to see where we are. Our baselines. And, we're not doing too badly. We started eating more healthy foods in the past few months and it's paying off. For the most part.

The family's habits/intakes are good, but need a bit of tweaking. Should be challenging with a picky eater/Asperger child. Hub just needs less fats and more protein/carbs. Me, I've managed to put myself in starvation mode with an average of half my minimum caloric requirements. Not a healthy thing, especially with my recent activity levels.

So, now on to the tweak. Hub and kid are easy. I've been adding protein and carb options to his lunches for work, and helping the teen replace some of the not so healthy choices with her favorite fruits and veg. Me, I have to get myself eating more and drinking a lot more water, as I find myself dehydrated. I just forget to eat, I think, and drink. When one is eating healthy foods, one can eat a bit more than with junk foods, and I've not up'd my intake when I started eating more healthy.

Another good thing - we found a gym relatively close by! Only 15 miles away. All the free weights, machines, and cardio equipment we could want. Which means I don't have to buy a load of equipment for the home gym. It was a great find as they have no (read NO) high pressured sales bunnies on the floor, and they're open 24/7.  I've managed to get some good training plans for all of us. Kid's goals are "free running", so she hits the mats and the treadmill. Hub's is recovering from his accident, so the machines serve him best. Me, my love is the free weights and elliptical machine. Something for everyone.

And, come May  - WARRIOR DASH!  I've tweaked my training to make sure I get in the endurance and strength needed to do the whole run and do it well.  I am so looking forward to it, finally!

We've also been helping out at our local food bank with logistics, stocking, and carryout twice a week.  It's great volunteer work for the kid (almost 16) and she loves it. We love being able to help as well and have met some great people. It does make gym time a bit of a challenge, but we manage.

Kid and I are also going back to contra dance on Fridays. It's great cardio and the people are wonderful.

So, in spite of the numbers on the baseline charts, all is well.

Pump that Iron

Sounds trite, yes, but ap.

What do Marjorie Newlin, Ernestine Shepherd, and Wendy Ida have in common?  They are all body builders, all women, and all over 60. They started after 50.

Marjorie Newlin

Ernestine Shepherd

These women, and some others, are my inspiration. Why am I so interested in bodybuilding? Well, I don't want to be a body builder myself, but that aspiration to work hard helps me with my motivation and goals to build lean muscle for great definition, strength, endurance, and to undo the arthritic damage in my hips and other joints.  Strength training makes it so I can walk. So I can run to do the mud runs I so want to do.

Consider this:

Of course, Ernestine is now in her 80s, but still walks/runs the 10 miles to her work (in a gym) and keeps up her training.

Several years ago, I was misdiagnosed with Parkinson's disease, and then bipolar and schizophrenia. I was put on various medications that made my symptoms worse and caused a lot of psychotic issues. I spent many years of my life going down unhealthy roads and allowing myself to be manipulated, controlled and abused by various types of unhealthy people, as I wrote about in my last post.   These problems kept me from being the person I could have been, but can be now, even at 54 and older. It wasn't me that failed. It was the voices of the people who never wanted me to succeed in the first place that screamed in my mind. CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) was the real basket that carried the issues and since being properly treated, and learning to steer clear of the negative influences and people (totally banned the psychopaths, narcissists and manipulators from my life), I can finally do what I need to do to be healthy and truly happy.

And now, I can make the changes I want for a healthy body. I believe in strength training. I believe in clean, healthy eating. I believe I can be the happiest, healthiest person possible for me by working hard and living life to the fullest, because the barriers are down.  Even with my disabilities, I can do more for myself.

I have set out (and been working for a month now) to determine and tweak my workouts for training and eating habits to optimize health. I have sought and delved into the works of people who speak sense. It may seem catty, but the added bonus is that my haters, and yes, I still have some, will not follow down this path, as many have mimicked much of what I have tried to accomplish in the past. This is something they won't do because it requires a lot of dedication and work, time and patience. I don't do this for them, nor for those who support and care for me. I do this for me.

There is a four-part series on YouTube that I really love that addresses the problem of obesity in this country. It makes perfect sense and squelches the societal excuses and myths people adhere to. Obesity saddens me because of the health issues people will face (not might, will) or are facing due to obesity.  It hit home when I discovered that four months ago I was 40 lbs overweight and technically obese with a BMI of 30.

Focussing on the positive. There are so many ways of losing fat, gaining muscle, toning, and other such healthy ways of living. Yes, it's a way of living, not a "fix". Fad diets don't work, and if it claims to lose the weight fast, it's a gimmick out to make money, not help you in your journey or goals. I've tried a bunch. It requires plain and simple lifestyle changes, no matter what your goals, to affect the goals.  Proper eating habits. Exercise. Period. Yes, you can. I did. I am doing. It not only affects your body, but your mind and moods. People will use excuses to stay where they're at because they don't want to put in the effort, don't want to give up the sugar and bad fats, or for whatever reason. They blame society, McDonald's, or whomever for their type-2 diabetes, weight, hypertension, heart issues, and everything else. Even with a genetic issue, you can be healthier.

When I was 48 (6 years ago), I was doing martial arts (mixed) 3 days a week. I was also doing kickboxing twice a week, as well as tai chi, weight lifting (5 days a week) and running 5 k. I was fit. I was eating healthy. I looked and felt great. Then I got sick, Then I got depressed. The end result was losing my muscle, flexibility, endurance, and gaining 40 lbs of fat. I couldn't run due to osteopenia in my hips (which, btw, is totally reversible).  It was realizing what I was doing to myself, as well as gaining a proper diagnosis for my mental issues, and making a change that is putting back on the right track towards health. And my dedication and decisions have brought my family on board to greater health.

Inspiration is a key help in getting healthy. Again, there are a lot of quick-fixes out there that don't work. Many people who just want to be paid for giving you a load of crap that won't work. Or, may work for a short while, but will come right back around again. No pill will do anything for your in this regard.

The ladies above are my inspiration. I won't be a competitive body-builder. That isn't my goal. But I can be inspired by these ladies who have gone down that path.

My help comes from other people and places. I don't live close enough to a gym to go to one of those. So I turned my dining room into a gym (we eat in the kitchen). It isn't huge, and doesn't have a lot, but it has the dumbbells, barbells, tubes and bands, and other equipment that is necessary to meet the goals we have made for ourselves. We plan to get more in.

My main help comes from this man: Michael Matthews. He's written books and has a ton of stuff on his website as well as You Tube to help with getting in shape.

Another source of great workout tips and how to correctly do things, as well as good-eating tips, comes from Athlean X and Athlean XX for women. I do strength training 5-6 days a week. And I lift heavy.

I'm not much of a cardio person, but I do things that I know works and enjoy. I walk along my beautiful road by my house in the country, with the goal of getting back to running (back to the mud run goal and have some training here). I do contradance once a week with my teenager.  I try to get some cardio in by doing some Zumba (I like some of the routines) and my old Jazzercise DVDs. I am working in some of my Tai Chi and belly dance DVDs as well. Slowly but surely. I hope to get back into martial arts as well. Short term get back to goals is the Couch to 5K as this will help with my goal of doing the Warrior Dash.

My other mid-long term goal is to get my physical trainer certification through ACE.  This way, I can help people with their fitness goals and hope to specialize in older folks and folks with disabilities.

And yes, there is time. My family and I volunteer and local places like the food bank and hospice. My hubby works, but the teen and I so love helping out where we can, and hub helps when he's off. Fortunately, he has a great job working 3 days a week and available during the week.

Developing healthy habits is hard. It requires motivation, dedication, hard work, healthy habits, focus, and keeping your eyes on your goals. It's all about progress, not perfection. It's never giving up. It's about improving yourself, and being better than you were before, not better than anyone else. Mentally. Spiritually, Emotionally, and Physically. No excuses.