Greetings

Hello. I'm a 54 yr-old American woman on a mission. A mission to improve myself and, hopefully, the world around me by living a positive, healthy life.

I called this blog the Perennial Soul. It means: lasting or existing for a long or apparently infinite time; enduring or continually recurring.

While I feel my life is perennial, I do not feel it is never-changing. We learn to bloom where we are planted. We learn and grow and even change. We can control our change and environment, or we can let our environment change and control us. This blog is a repository of thoughts and feelings in my journey in life.

It took me over 50 years to discover who I am. I mean, seriously discover. Many years of searching, finding, mistaking, bad decisions, and learning to love and accept myself for being a damn good human being. In spite of everything negative, the positive and the now, as well as the future, is what matters. I discovered I am not a survivor, I am a warrior, because I came out of so many things stronger and overcame that which should have killed me.

Who I am. I do not define myself by political or religious venues. Nor by beliefs or by physical or cultural/racial qualities. I do not allow any of those things to define or control me. I allowed so much of that, and those who were predators, psychopaths, and just users to control so much of me and define who I was for so long. I learned I could pull myself out of that pit, and the memories that kept me prisoner. Part of it was my abhorrence to pity and sympathy. I gave myself the understanding I needed, and pulled on the strength of that which I call my higher power. I started to define myself not by what others told me I should be or was by their estimation, but by what I knew, deep down, to be.

I gave myself permission to distance myself from toxic and abusive people. I found my negative state of mine attracted them. Shifted my focus from the "why did this happen" to the "what can I do about now". Nurtured the victim to be the conquerer. Learned not to give power to the negative, but let it be as the balance it was meant to be. I learned to seek the truth and follow it. And learned to follow my own heart, not what others expected of me, whether or not it was them or me that developed that expectation. and, not to judge others nor allow others to judge me. That's not my place, not even with political memes.

I regret nothing in my life. No choice, no action, no suffering. I learned to accept all of them as a learning opportunity, and chose to see them as a positive influence to do good and teach my child better ways. This made me happier within myself. I gave up putting too much power in unnecessary things, and instead decided to find positive ways of dealing with them. I refuse to engage in hate or animosity. I had to let go of those who wanted to make me the scapegoat; the one to blame for their actions.

It is a choice, not a circumstance or feeling. I choose to make my body the best it can be, and improve my health by real means, not fads. I choose to improve my mind with constant learning, whether or not I have a piece of paper to show for it. I choose to nurture my soul with positive affirmations, seeking what I know to be the truth and acting on that to better the world around me, rather than force what I believe - politically, spiritually, or about life - down anyone's throat. I don't adhere to any particular political party, nor any particular religion, but instead choose to build my beliefs and faith on truth rather than propaganda; and support the individual issues I agree with rather than bash those I do not. To not engage in the negative aspects of hate, discontent, strife, or some such. I acknowledge its existence, but I don't have to expose myself in it.

I give myself permission to take care of myself. To indulge in the things that bring me joy, such as gardening, model railroad, designing, and humor. There is a big difference in joy and happiness. Happiness comes from within, from the core of one's being and the acceptance of themselves. The harmony they have with their being and surroundings. Joy is the external aspect, what you do or are a part of that releases those lovely endorphins and strengthens the soul and mind, such as Galatians 5:18-26 shows (I will find inspiration and truth where I will find it). I'm not big on preaching, but on living what I believe and doing for others. What one says is not as important, and even can be detrimental, to what they do or how they live. And I cannot concern myself with those who chose to be negative. I learned that negativity affects the brain and the physical health in very real and harmful ways. It exacerbated my PTSD to the point I was having symptoms of bipolar and schizophrenia, but later discovered, I didn't have those later problems.

I find I can be happy and am. I can increase joy in my life and not allow the negative to affect me in harmful ways. I can acknowledge the negative, and find positive ways to effect change, or put it out of my life if change cannot happen. I can, in spite of physical limitations, Improve my life and change those things which are not healthy. And have. It's a journey, not a destination. I can and do surround myself with those who chose to be healthy in all ways, and not with those who chose to wallow in the negative.

With such an attitude, and with forgiving myself when I falter, I find a better and bigger strength, greater joy, and increased happiness. I find a stronger and healthier body. I find excuses become weaker.

Why? Because I can.